jessbrianne

Owner of Tulle & Mint on Etsy

on a personal note.

If you’re not into long, emotional, & somewhat mushy blog posts, skip this one now; I can promise you every word is straight from my heart & soul.  I briefly mentioned in my last post how my life has changed in many ways, but I promise not to make this your typical, angry breakup post.  I am normally one who attempts to spare you from the nitty gritty details of my personal life, though I feel strongly that I need to share what I’ve learned.

Around two years ago, I was passed a handwritten note on a lined piece of yellow paper in the middle of my college health class.  I didn’t know it, but that was something that would set off a chain of events & eventually change my life & shape me personally in a number of ways.  We talked, we clicked, & we fell in love quickly.  Our lives differed greatly from the beginning of it all, but in our narrow-minded view of the world & the future, it didn’t seem to matter nearly as much as we later would learn.  Over the course of the next few months, I found myself with a pretty little ring on my finger, feeling that life couldn’t get better.  Maybe I learned some lessons the hard way – in retrospect, I can see now how unprepared we were, though I still wouldn’t trade my experience for any preparedness life could have offered me.

After a series of changing dates, postponing plans, & trying to juggle the tolling cards life had dealt us, we called it for what it was & attempted to part ways.  It was at this moment I should have recognized that our lives were simply headed in separate directions, but I feel I was so torn & so convinced that it was supposed to work, that I was too blinded to see things clearly. The next few months were rocky & difficult but within four or five months, we were dating each other once again – convinced that things were sorted out, convinced that we knew what we were doing, & convinced we could have a second chance.

Everything started out just fine – It was casual; we were laughing together again & we truly became best friends as we had been before. I had absolutely persuaded myself that we truly had that second chance at loving each other once more & that we were stronger because of the things that had happened in our past.  We never fought, but we didn’t address much of what had happened in the past for fear of falling apart again – instead, we lived for the now, taking things one day at a time & believing eventually it would all fall into place. In case you hadn’t guessed it: We were wrong.

I don’t believe it happened all at once.  There wasn’t one all-encompassing incident that can be blamed for the cause of our lives dividing.  To be honest, there isn’t quite a way to pinpoint exactly what happened because there isn’t just one thing that happened – it happened gradually, slowly, until we finally realized that something wasn’t quite right.  At the heart of it, this didn’t sneak up on us, though I know it was unexpected to many around us.  It was something we could feel – & looking back, the fact that it did fall apart so quickly can only convey the truth that it was barely hanging on to begin with.

Now here I am, still vaguely questioning why I feel so strongly to write this post  & feeling the need to apologize for this interjection of a completely public “journal entry.” Though it is completely cliche of me to even state: I don’t regret a single thing that has happened over the past two years.  I have learned so much about myself, about others, and about what love truly means.  I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, & felt more real emotion that words could ever describe.  I have recognized & conquered many weaknesses & gained confidence in my abilities to accomplish great things in my life.  I have made new friends, connected with old friends, learned to trust in my family, gained an entire “second family,” traveled to exciting new places, & most importantly, grown as an individual through my experiences. I’m not bitter or angry about the past because I’m learning that harboring those emotions only do damage to my life without doing anything to change it.

Though some days are still harder than others, all I can do now is stop looking back, stop asking redundant questions, accept the things that have happened, & know that there are better things awaiting me in my future. There is uncertainty in what lies ahead, but I am so excited to see where the road will take me! The world seems to have opened up in possibility & I am learning each day who I am individually. To my friends, thank you all for being such wonderful people to support me during both my weakest times as well as my strong moments. To his family, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me into your lives & touching my soul in so many ways – I think of you all often & love & miss you dearly.  To my family, thank you for standing by me through mistakes & trials & being willing to tell me the things I needed to hear, even when I least wanted to hear them – I will be forever grateful to each of you.

I am so appreciative to be surrounded by such amazing people &, trials and all, feel truly blessed to live the life I lead.

31 comments on “on a personal note.

  1. Sarah P.
    October 8, 2012

    You are blessed, Jess. *HUG*

  2. Kristin Bell Hancock
    October 8, 2012

    Love you a whole lot!!

  3. Patricia Christensen
    October 8, 2012

    Beautifully & articulately written. We love you! (((Hugs))) xoxo

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Thank you very much! Love you lots! 🙂

  4. EM
    October 8, 2012

    Jess, this is such a beautiful post and you are such a beautiful person. I can relate with many of the things you wrote about although I know I can’t ever really know what it’s been like for you. (Note – I was 30 when I got married and had been through my share of good, yet not complete relationships). It took me much longer to figure out the things that you have figured out. I just think that you totally rock and I am so glad we are related.

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Em! Thank you so much, you are honestly too sweet. I am extremely grateful for the experiences I’ve had, even though many of them have been hard. I feel like it’s given me a better, more balanced perspective of my life and my future. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! You are wonderful. I’m glad we are related, too 😉

  5. Katie
    October 8, 2012

    break ups suck…But blogs are wonderful for letting things out. Even if it’s personal! That’s what I use mine for, and I’m pretty sure without it, I wouldn’t have survived my break up. Keep your head up, girl 🙂

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Katie, thank you so much for commenting! I really appreciate it. And thanks for not thinking I’m crazy for posting this! 😉 I am grateful for such an outlet, but I also don’t mean it to be airing any kind of dirty laundry. Mostly, I feel that I just had things to say so I said them. Thanks again! You’re so nice. 🙂

  6. Genevieve Bryan
    October 8, 2012

    You are so strong, so intelligent and so beautiful. You have wonderful things ahead, and you are more equipped to deal with the ambiguities of life ahead because of all of the difficult experiences you’ve been through. You already know this, but I am just saying that I am rooting for you.

    I don’t think you should ever be afraid to post entries like this because it is honest and it is human. The fact is that relationships (all kinds) ARE life. Relationships can be the most complicated and frustrating things, but they are also the most rewarding because they take so much effort and genuineness to work.

    Thank you for sharing, even though I am not a big part of your life. I found comfort in your words because I can relate with my own experiences.

    You are wonderful.

    Best,
    Gen

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Gen, you are so amazing! I’m so glad to have met you all that time ago 🙂 You said it beautifully and I’m so grateful for your kind words. Thank you for the support and the love! You are seriously wonderful. Relationships are definitely complicated, but I feel like I have learned so much about love, life, and trials throughout the whole experience. There was good AND bad, as with everything, and I’ve learned what I do and do not want in my future. Thank you so much for reading this and for being open to my perspective and my thoughts! Xoxo! 🙂

  7. RoSy
    October 8, 2012

    Wishing you the best as you move forward…

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Thank you so much, Rosy! 🙂

  8. underestimatedmom
    October 8, 2012

    Sometimes just writing out a post like this is what we all really need. Congrats on getting personal – because even though we love reading all your other posts – it’s nice to here the details in between as well! Here’s to hoping each day gets better 🙂

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Thank you! I agree completely. Maybe it was a good thing to get a little personal, after all. 🙂 I’m confident that day by day it will improve! Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment on this. Have a great day!

  9. Katy Hunter
    October 8, 2012

    You are so strong! Thank you so much for sharing this. It may have helped more people than you know. You’re a precious little sweetheart 🙂 Way to come out of this with a great attitude. You’re such a smart lady. Proud of you every day!

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Katy! Thank you so much. You are seriously the sweetest & I’m so grateful for all the support you’ve given me. You are honestly the best! Xoxo!

  10. Marshelle
    October 8, 2012

    Jess! You are amazing. I can see how much you’ve grown and changed just by reading this post. It saddens me that I wasn’t a part of it! We’ve definitely drifted apart and gone our seperate ways, but I want you to know I love you (always will) and think of you often! The memories I have with you will last forever. I will never forget the day Mikki introduced us, because that’s the day I met one of my best friends. You’re awesome, Jess. An amazing woman who I look up to very much.

    • jessbrianne
      October 8, 2012

      Marshelle my dear! I love you so much. Thank you for your nice words. It’s definitely been a learning experience for me over the past couple of years. And I know it’s been so long, but we should definitely catch up soon! I hope all is well in your life. You honestly flatter me! But trust me when I say I still have a very long way to go. Love you!

  11. Cindy Williams
    October 9, 2012

    You write with style and ease and I appreciate you letting out your feelings. I am so very proud of you and know that you will in fact meet someone who will be your eternal companion and you will lead a fabulous life together. Grandpa and I will be married 50 years next year and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. He is my best friend and my eternal companion. Life is so short and we need to make the very best of it. Wear out your knees and ask for guidance. Love you so very much.

    • jessbrianne
      October 10, 2012

      Thank you so much, Grandma! 🙂
      I have definitely learned a lot over the past few years and I am so excited about what the future holds! I can’t wait to someday look back on all of this and have it make sense as I’m with MY husband of 50 years.. 😉 but for right now I am enjoying my life and I’m in no rush. Love you!

  12. Maryam Negm
    October 10, 2012

    Dear Jess, I can’t tell you how much I can relate to this right now considering that one month ago i broke of an engagement of one year to a man i’ve loved for what feels like a very long time. We fell in love very quickly too; two weeks after we met he proposed. And now, everything is gone and I’m reminded of him everywhere I go. We broke up for a reason but I also wanted to take time apart to see if I could live with this issue and maybe we’ll re-visit ‘us’ again. (My first few blog entries were more of journal entries if you’ve taken a look, it’s far more relieving, don’t apologize.) Any un-biased advice?

    • jessbrianne
      October 10, 2012

      Hi Maryam!
      I am so grateful to not have been the only one in this situation and I truly sympathize with the situation you are currently finding yourself in! I can honestly say I understand at least a bit of what you are feeling and I know how difficult it can be! My main piece of advice would be to go with your gut. At least from my experience, I had a very hard time determining what was my heart and what was my brain, but if you’re feeling uncertain about things, it’s good to take a step back. You’re obviously feeling unsure for a reason, so I would say not to overlook your feelings on that, regardless of how frightening and difficult it is to walk away. I fully believe that if it’s supposed to work out, eventually it will all fall into place, and the space from each other will not hurt things. I know that every situation is different and just because in my situation things did not work, doesn’t mean it’s the same for yours. If you ever need someone to talk to who can understand a bit of where you’re coming from, you are more than welcome to email me at jessbrianne@live.com! Everything will work out. 🙂
      – Jess

  13. Sparrow
    October 12, 2012

    I hope to be where you are soon, in relation to my break up. I’m working on it! Beautiful post “)

    • jessbrianne
      October 12, 2012

      You’ll get there! And trust me, I don’t have it all figured out 😉 there are still ups and downs, but everything will work out! Much love! Thanks for stopping by.

  14. rlhcreations
    October 16, 2012

    It seems like you have a really good head on your shoulders. Breakups are always hard and I know a lot of times some people leave them feeling lost or confused as to why it all happened the way it did. I’m a firm believer in not regretting past relationships (no matter how bad they were) because the lessons are priceless and have formed the person I am today. It seems you believe the same thing. I know you’ll get through this one day at a time and when you least expect it, love will find a way to you once again. Thank you for sharing this post. It’s nice to see these personal posts. I enjoy getting to know the bloggers I read.

    Oddly enough, this is the first blog post I’ve read from you! I found you through my blog and thought you had a great site! 🙂

    • jessbrianne
      October 22, 2012

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my post and visit my site! I definitely agree 100% about not regretting anything, because I don’t at all with my experiences! I learned a lot and I’m grateful for it. Thanks again! 🙂

  15. Message In A Fold
    October 28, 2012

    I read a book several years ago that dealt with relationships and a person’s self worth. Oddly enough the author called the people that enter and leave our lives “Angels”. They are there to help us deal with something we are not acknowledging and need to in order to be fully ready for that “Right” person.

    Your friend and his family seem to be true angels in the way they have embraced you. Looking at it from a different stand point, maybe your friend needed to have you be his “Angel” to teach him what he needed to acknowledge in his life.

    Truly, I’m happy that the ending of this relationship has gone so well. As difficult as it is, to your heart and your spirit, you have remained a kind and loving person through it. As has he and his family.

    Thank you for sharing, with us, your personal struggle. Good luck to you in your creativity endeavor. I wish you tons of success.

    Leslie

  16. Rachel Beckstrand
    March 5, 2013

    This is exactly, to a t, my story. Proud of you, Jess for being true to yourself!

  17. photographybyjoylene
    July 1, 2013

    Breakups are hard, but in the end, it’s usually for the better, and kudos for you for taking it as a learning experience – you are way ahead of the game. If you can have this attitude about relationships at your young age, I have no doubt that you will be successful when the right one lands on your doorstep. So often women, especially young ones feel that they must be in a relationship to be a whole person, and this simply is not so! I wish I had learned this at your age, but then again, I wouldn’t trade most parts of my life for anything. Everything is a learning experience and ultimately shapes you into the person you are.

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This entry was posted on October 8, 2012 by in Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .
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