Owner of Tulle & Mint on Etsy
If you’re not into long, emotional, & somewhat mushy blog posts, skip this one now; I can promise you every word is straight from my heart & soul. I briefly mentioned in my last post how my life has changed in many ways, but I promise not to make this your typical, angry breakup post. I am normally one who attempts to spare you from the nitty gritty details of my personal life, though I feel strongly that I need to share what I’ve learned.
Around two years ago, I was passed a handwritten note on a lined piece of yellow paper in the middle of my college health class. I didn’t know it, but that was something that would set off a chain of events & eventually change my life & shape me personally in a number of ways. We talked, we clicked, & we fell in love quickly. Our lives differed greatly from the beginning of it all, but in our narrow-minded view of the world & the future, it didn’t seem to matter nearly as much as we later would learn. Over the course of the next few months, I found myself with a pretty little ring on my finger, feeling that life couldn’t get better. Maybe I learned some lessons the hard way – in retrospect, I can see now how unprepared we were, though I still wouldn’t trade my experience for any preparedness life could have offered me.
After a series of changing dates, postponing plans, & trying to juggle the tolling cards life had dealt us, we called it for what it was & attempted to part ways. It was at this moment I should have recognized that our lives were simply headed in separate directions, but I feel I was so torn & so convinced that it was supposed to work, that I was too blinded to see things clearly. The next few months were rocky & difficult but within four or five months, we were dating each other once again – convinced that things were sorted out, convinced that we knew what we were doing, & convinced we could have a second chance.
Everything started out just fine – It was casual; we were laughing together again & we truly became best friends as we had been before. I had absolutely persuaded myself that we truly had that second chance at loving each other once more & that we were stronger because of the things that had happened in our past. We never fought, but we didn’t address much of what had happened in the past for fear of falling apart again – instead, we lived for the now, taking things one day at a time & believing eventually it would all fall into place. In case you hadn’t guessed it: We were wrong.
I don’t believe it happened all at once. There wasn’t one all-encompassing incident that can be blamed for the cause of our lives dividing. To be honest, there isn’t quite a way to pinpoint exactly what happened because there isn’t just one thing that happened – it happened gradually, slowly, until we finally realized that something wasn’t quite right. At the heart of it, this didn’t sneak up on us, though I know it was unexpected to many around us. It was something we could feel – & looking back, the fact that it did fall apart so quickly can only convey the truth that it was barely hanging on to begin with.
Now here I am, still vaguely questioning why I feel so strongly to write this post & feeling the need to apologize for this interjection of a completely public “journal entry.” Though it is completely cliche of me to even state: I don’t regret a single thing that has happened over the past two years. I have learned so much about myself, about others, and about what love truly means. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, & felt more real emotion that words could ever describe. I have recognized & conquered many weaknesses & gained confidence in my abilities to accomplish great things in my life. I have made new friends, connected with old friends, learned to trust in my family, gained an entire “second family,” traveled to exciting new places, & most importantly, grown as an individual through my experiences. I’m not bitter or angry about the past because I’m learning that harboring those emotions only do damage to my life without doing anything to change it.
Though some days are still harder than others, all I can do now is stop looking back, stop asking redundant questions, accept the things that have happened, & know that there are better things awaiting me in my future. There is uncertainty in what lies ahead, but I am so excited to see where the road will take me! The world seems to have opened up in possibility & I am learning each day who I am individually. To my friends, thank you all for being such wonderful people to support me during both my weakest times as well as my strong moments. To his family, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me into your lives & touching my soul in so many ways – I think of you all often & love & miss you dearly. To my family, thank you for standing by me through mistakes & trials & being willing to tell me the things I needed to hear, even when I least wanted to hear them – I will be forever grateful to each of you.
I am so appreciative to be surrounded by such amazing people &, trials and all, feel truly blessed to live the life I lead.